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Artifice Page 29

156 Comments on Artifice Page 29

From Deacon’s last words on the previous page to the first panels of this page—yep, that would be a classic example of AlexHumor.

Be afraid. 😉

So, what do you think is next for these two?

Very special thanks to Samuel C.and Thomas S. for their generous donations this week!

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We’ve now exceeded $250 in donations, so THERE WILL BE A BONUS PAGE — PAGE 30 — THIS WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31ST! Hope to see you there!

If you particularly enjoy any of these pages and use Facebook, please click the Like button on that page. It’s useful to know what’s working and it helps me get the word out!
  • Kayla

    I almost cried laughing at Jeff’s face in panel 4. And, really, at this whole page. It’s wonderful.

    Jeff has the most adorable personality.

    • Thank you, Kayla! Glad Jeff and I got you to chuckle. 🙂

  • “You want to hold it or something!?”

    “Would you LIKE me to hold your penis?”

    And the smirk he has when he says it XD It’s 12:26 am but that still got a laugh out of me!


    AND I LOVE YOU BOTH FOR BRINGING THIS AWESOME WEBCOMIC!!!! (<—get's loud early in the morning)

  • I just want to say that I’m LOVING this comic.  Of all the webcoms I’ve read over the years this is easily in the top five.  

    • Top 5 of all time? Wow. Thank you! Glad you’re enjoying Artifice! 😀

  • Panel four: Deacon’s face.

    So totally worth the sleep I am missing.

  • Creepy android is creepy. And actually, Jeff’s right….i don’t think he needs to stay with him all the time, unless he’s got something to gain.
    My favourite panel is the 6th…..Jeff’s hair is so awesome 🙂

    • Glad you’re liking Jeff’s hair, Sophia. (And he appreciates your support and empathy—creepy android indeed!)

  • That was probably cutest thing i’ve seen all night.  Poor Jeff.

  • Hyperminimalism

    Well, Deacon’s already seen IT.  That’s about half the battle right there. 😀

    • Hyperminimalism

      P.S. Still really jealous of Jeff’s gorgeous hair. 🙁

    • Yes. Knowing IS half the battle. 😉

  • CK

    Oh thank you so much for updating! I’m really loving this!

  • Can’t… take… sexual… tension…

    • It will get worse before it gets better, I’m afraid. 😉

  • WandNCritic

    Deacon: “Probably something I’d like to see.”

    I like the new interaction between them. Despite his backchat and complaining, he’s probably, subconciously glad he’s not alone. He only complains cause he’s human.
    That’s what we do. Bitch about stuff.

    I almost died at the joke… But in all honesty, humour sometimes disguises truth… So at least one of them wants to screw the other already.

    • You might be right about Jeff. He has been alone for a long time. We’ll see…

  • Syreen

     “What am I going to do while you’re not looking?!”

     Stare at Deacon’s perfect ass … I know I would do that 😀

  • KBatty

    Poor Jeff. Can’t even pee alone. He really does have a point though. Even if he managed to get away as such, if Deacon really wanted to find him, he’d find him. Deacon’s just being creepy in his socially awkward android way. Sure, they’ve programmed him to seem human, but clearly there are some things that get lost in translation… though that might have something to do with the deviation from his intended function and his subsequent adaptation, too.

    Asimov would be proud. Or deeply, deeply concerned. =P

    • He does seem to be deviating from his intended function a bit, huh? I think your account of his behavior is a good one…

    • … just wondering why it took him so long to get pissed being watched while peeing. (And if he did wash the T-Shirt meanwhile. I mean … It’s been nearly two weeks now. 😉 )

      Apart from that: Enjoying this, enjoying this and once more enjoying this.

      • KBatty

        Well, in a hostage situation I guess it takes you a little longer to get angry about having someone watch you pee on account of you’re probably still pretty grateful to be alive. That being said, after two weeks and an awkward remark like that on Deacon’s part, I personally think Jeff was finally comfortable enough to have an outburst.

        As for the shirt… engh, it’s hard to say. Depends on how much damage was done to the colony, I guess. That, and being an ASO, Deacon probably doesn’t care how bad Jeff was smelling. That being said, the colony is Jeff’s home, so he’s probably got more clothes and a place to wash up, so long as his captor permits it. After all, a man who hasn’t washed for two weeks is a security risk: You could smell him at least 20 miles away. =P

        Blahblahblah, this is just fan speculation on my part. The person with the real answers is Alex. =)

  • Cheshirecaticus

    Ahah, panel 1. This page reminds me of my dog, need to know what I’m doing AT ALL TIMES and has no idea of personal space.

  • Awwwww HOT!! I was hoping next page was about Da Vinci 4 again, and here it is!
    Deacon u perv :3

  • I’m really enjoying this comic. I love that there is a more complex plot/background. Pure romance is kind of boring, and pure smut (while fun) is forgettable. I like the banter and tension between the characters on this page. 

    Weekly updates, while totally the internet norm, are agonizing to wait for. It’s like reading a graphic novel one page at a time. Still completely worth it though. I imagine it would be hard to update more frequently, since you obviously put a ton of work into this (Plus I write a story that updates biweekly so I’m even worse about this and should probably just shut up).

    Anyway, great job, I look forward to watching this story develop. 

    • Thank you! (And I’d LOVE to update more often, but you’re right, to create pages of this quality takes a lot of time. It’s more important for me to keep my commitment of a page a week than to push out a bunch of pages and then have to go on “hiatus”.)

  • We’re looking at Stockholm Syndrome I’m sure. Deacon gives Jeff more and more freedom? And in response Jeff starts developing positive feelings for him? Either way, Deacon seems to enjoy teasing Jeff. This is over a week from their last scene together isn’t it? They seem much more relaxed with each other, just bickering.

    • Yes. After more than a week, Jeff does seem to be getting more used to being around Deacon. Whether he’s “relaxed”, well, we’ll just have to see… 😀

  • Marbutt Face

    … That is a rape face if I ever did see one.

  • HarmHarm210

    The page was slowly uploading, and I was waiting in anticipation- and as soon as I realized it was a restroom I couldn’t help but laugh, and Deacon’s just standing their- enjoying the view. It must be so incredibly awkward for Jeff.  XD

  • That’s a mighty convincing trollface you have there, Deacon. 

  • Glad to see Jeff wash his hands. “smirk’

    • Yes, well, that’s perhaps a bit of the writer sneaking in there. I’m a big believer in the hand washing post-bathroom myself….

  • Rebecca Simpson

    Oh if I had money there would be donations! *Shakes fist* Unfortunately I’m flat broke. I think I’m going to like AlexHumor. XD

  • This was such an amusing page! I was looking forward to an update all week 🙂

    • Glad to hear it! (And the way the donations are going, there might very well be a bonus page this Wednesday…)

  • Reign

    I never laughed so hard in my life!! I think Deacon is just itching to get ahold of Jeff and the look on Jeff’s face is priceless. Even though I love every page this has to be my favorite 🙂

  • ChopstickChick

    Lol’ed so hard. Jeff is my all time favorite, such sass ^_^

  • In the first panel, I noticed the body language, trying to get Deacon out of his personal space bubble.

    • YES! Winona totally nailed that! It’s a subtle thing, but exactly perfect both to express how Jeff is feeling as well as keeping it real. More proof that Winona = rockstar!

  • JLJones

    Hello, favorite day of the week!  And what a fine one you’re turning out to be XD

    Ah, Deacon… there’s a difference between being friendly, and being the biggest creeper in history.  So that begs the question:  Does Deacon stand there and stare at him while Jeff is sleeping, too? O.o

    Btw, I’m really digging the height difference between those two.  Deacon seems like such a towering thing – about how tall are they?

    • Hehe. Glad to hear it!

      In answer to your questions:

      Does Deacon stand and watch Jeff sleep? No. He sits while doing that.

      How tall are they? Deacon is over six feet and there is about 5 inches of height difference between them.

      • Ryn

        that is so creepy. XD

  • hehehe Jeff’s just lucky he’s not “pee-shy!”…And what if Jeff needs some, uh, Private Time?  That’s probably why he’s so grumpy!

    Why do bathrooms always seem so grimey?  You would think, with all of that technology they would have come up with a way to keep them spotless. lol I bet the bathrooms at The NoNeCo Main Campus don’t look like that!

    As I expected, a wonderful update…  I love where this story is going, and Winona, as always, has done a remarkable job. 🙂

    • Thank you! I’m really glad to hear you’re enjoying the updates! 🙂

      And you are right. The bathrooms at the NoNeCo Main Campus are spotless. In fact, they use NanoRepulsor Technology to assure that dirt and other foreign materials are removed from bathroom surfaces in under 3 milliseconds—well within the “2 second rule” of when it’s OK to eat food one has dropped on the floor.

    • Ryn

      it actually looks cleaner than the men’s room at the mcD’s i use to work at. all the metal fixtures were tarnished and the sinks were yellowed and grungy looking no matter what i used or how long/hard I scrubbed at them. the floor never looked clean even after several moppings with fresh water. and the SMELL ;i always wore a clean rag around my face to protect my nose.

      and I really didn’t appreciate guys coming in and peeing behind me instead of using a stall while i was in there!

  • Thats the problem with AI: no sense of personal space

  • Dorothy Stout

    Hahahaha, Jeff’s face: D:

  • LOLOLOL That snark! “Would you /like/ me to hold your penis?” Fantastic!

  • Laymanterms303

    Yeah I’m with Jeff on this one. I’d be a little leery about letting the homicidal super-strong robot hold my dick.

    • What if he promised to be gentle?

      • Laymanterms303


  • OH.  MY.  GOD.  The look on his face….!  I don’t even have the words to squeal about how ridiculously hilarious it is~!

  • Jeff’s expressions. xD I about died laughing when Deacon says ‘do you want me to hold it?’ with that evil teasing smirk. xD God he’s sadistic. We all know, deep down, he’s a free thinking very opinionated innocently arrogant yet slightly sadistic in the right kind of way android. That’s ok, to. I approve. =)

    Love jeff in panel six. He looks sexy like that. I think this is the best page showcasing your writing yet, Alex. xD Brilliant. xD

    (by the way, Jeff, the answer to your question is you might try to kill yourself, thus leaving our poor smexy android with the tactical brain of an army of generals without a way to recharge himself. xD)

    • You’re thinking like a good android solider. Deacon would like the cut of your jib. 🙂

  • Another comment. This has been going on for 13 days? When I first read this page, I thought I saw 3. I can imagine this conversation at day 3. At day 13 it seems weird that it would take that long.

  • Lorescien

    Oh, Deacon… you’re so darn adorable! X3 And Jeff’s so cute, too!! Ahhhhhh… this is just <3. Love love love! Lol, I don't even have anything intelligent to say about it. It's just mind blowing AWESOMENESS.

  • Ryn

    poor jeff. XD i think Deacon is enjoying himself at Jeff’s expense.

    and Deacon was sooo comparing in the second panel!

  • eleutherios

     You could hit him with a chair.

  • ErrorTime

    Deacon liked what he saw. We saw that smirk in panel 2 XD

  • Oh…My…God…Deacon you are incredibly awesome!!! I’m sooo glad I wasn’t driving when I read this update or I might have wrecked my truck from laughing so hard!!!!! Kuddos, Alex, on your incredible writing and witty comebacks! Absolutely love it!!! 

    I really enjoy reading Artifice, it captures my Sci Fi imagination. The characters, so far, are so intricately developed, the story so well written I can’t wait until the next update to see what happens next!!! Couple that with Winona’s beautiful artwork, showing us the story and also portraying expressions and emotions stunningly. Keep up the great work!

    • Wow! Thank you for all your really kind words! Glad I was able to get you to laugh and to hear that you’re enjoying Artifice! Please keep letting me know what you think!

  • melinda stumpf

     Deacon wants to do more then just hold it. Jeff I know what you are going to do when he is not look *winks*

  • Love this page 🙂 looking forward to the next^^

  • Real ‘smooth’ there Deacon XD  Careful though, you can never be sure. You might lock him up and he might LIKE it 😉 Loved it as always guys! Keep up the awesome work! ♥ Mandy

  • Trent Wilson

    Someone’s angry…..
    Needs some… stress relief! XD

    I need more!

    • Hehe. (And it looks like “more” is coming early this week. Bonus page this Wednesday!)

  • Yes, what WOULD Jeff do if Deacon was not looking…other than use the bathroom in peace, I mean. The first and fourth panels cracked me up, I can’t wait to see how this develops into a deep, albeit akward, friendship. Will Deacon find someone to finally understand him? Will Dr.Maven get to the bottom of the enigma that is synthetic love? Will Jeff ever be comfortable peeing in public again!? So many questions! (Wait, Day 13…who cleaned up all those bodies…)

    • All good questions.

      (And to answer one of them: Deacon cleaned up the bodies. All of them.)

  • omfg this is without doubt the funniest page till now :’D love it ! nice work !


    • Thanks, Thomas! (And it seems you won’t have to wait—bonus page this Wednesday!)

  • Sandra Virgínia

    O_O Bahahahah. What a question!! Deacon, this time you overcame. The look of surprise from Jeff is hilarious. 😀 I’ve never seen a teaser so direct. 🙂

  • SholtoMaru

    I wonder if, because Deacon is A.I., and therefore rather lacking most bodily functions (at least, I assume so), Jeff’s ah…processes…are just entirely fascinating for Deacon. He can’t have had much opportunity to observe a human so closely before, so maybe this is like a wonderland of human activity!

    …Or maybe he’s just thinking Jeff is cute when uncomfortable. Because Deacon is sadistic like that. And we love him because of it.

    • Ryn

      I was thinking that myself. and i doubt he’s seen anyone’s personal parts other than his own and maybe the other android’s so something else to be curious about i suppose. taking a shower must even more awkward, lets hope for him they’re stalls.

      • There are stalls. Deacon still watches.

        • I am incredibly amused by this statement.

    • This is correct. Deacon is fascinated with Jeff’s bodily processes for just this reason. Good call.

      (As for whether Deacon thinks it’s cute to watch Jeff squirm, I’ll let you form your own opinions about that. 🙂 )


    • Interestingly enough, the Internet just taught me the word “fapping” last week. Now I’m seeing it everywhere…

  • kawilke

    For me the most interesting part about this page is the different choice of words. I mean, Deacon and Jeff talk in a totally different way that somehow characterizes them. And that’s just amazing! You really get the feeling that Deacon is an artificial human by his talking. It’s not only because it was metioned by other people several times before. It’s like they gave the reader the knowledge. But Deacon himself turns that knowledge into a feeling for his origin. If you know what I mean. However. Alex – Great job! I really do like your dialogs.

    • Wow, thank you. That’s actually a huge compliment for me. Giving each character a different “voice” is one of the biggest challenges I have as a writer. I’m still nowhere near as good at it as I’d like to be. It makes me happy to hear it’s working for you in Artifice. 🙂

      • kawilke

        You’ve totally gave everyone their own voice. Challenge won, I guess. ;D

  • Don’t get me wrong, I understand that Jeff has had a very hard life, but to me, he comes off as very…immature and angsty. It annoys me a little, but at the same time I can’t wait to see how he will develop as he gets more and more involved with Deacon. 

    • I’d be the first to admit that both Jeff and Deacon have their flaws. Both have characteristics that could make them… challenging to like. Glad to hear you’re still interested in seeing how things develop, though!

  • Panel 4 most epic question to answer a question ever.

    From what I can see Jeff is acting just perfect considering the situation, and where he was stuck growing up. If he was super happy and trusting wouldn’t it seem odd? >_>  Of course usually characters like that have long pity party cry sessions infront of their love interest….. which I suppose would be character development but most people would think, “He’s just a crybaby who needs to get laid”. -.- I like his sarcastic way of lashing out and (maybe I’m reading to much into it but) if he acts this way normally its probably a defensive mechanism to keep people away so he does not get hurt as much when they turn on him? Well that is what I used to do anyway.

    • I think your read on Jeff’s character is a good one, Kokuji. 🙂

      • I didn’t realize I said he was a bad character. I just meant he has more to him then most characters you end up seeing. I already see this story as the gold you have to wade threw shit before you see.

        • I didn’t think you said he was a bad character, Kokuji. Actually, I thought you were understanding Jeff’s character quite well. 🙂

  • Kea

    You know, I noticed Decon when standing idle his fingers are almost always curled into his palm which unlike humans who, when standing relaxed and idle, let their fingers hang naturally by their sides. I enjoy that detail on Decon because it makes him more synthetic and adds a quirk to his character. It also gives him a more intimidating appearance.

    I wonder though if that is his natural stance so he is able to strike out quicker, especially seeing as how Decon’s comrades curled their hands as well. As a android solider such a thing would make sense for combat situations.

    • It would make sense to have him designed that way—both for intimidation and efficiency, as you noted.

  • All I can think now is how it wo0uld be funny if Jeff was thinking about doing…. Other sutff in the bathroom and Deacon is just there, glued on his heels. I can juuust envision how bad (no not bad at all <3) it would end.

    Also… What if Jeff said "Yeah"? I wonder what Deacon would do…

    (Wheeee so good that the donations went well! I didn't donate because I don't have international credit card – or a credit card as a matter of fact – but it's really nice to see all went well <3)

    • Hehe. Yes, well, right now Deacon is with Jeff 24-7. Jeff has not secrets from him.

      (And FWIW, the donate button also accepts PayPal, if that helps. 🙂 )

      • Ryn

        jeff has stronger nerves than me. I’d be a nervous wreck be this point.

  • Ooooh, was Deacon flirting just now? <3

    And yaaaay bonus page!
    Can't wait!

    • Me too! I’m quite excited to share the next page!

      • Sounds like it’d be interesting… (8

  • I wonder Alex – if you’re ok with translating your comic into different languages. I could perfectly translate it to Spanish, and maybe you could offer the posibility to read it online here too.

    • For the right now, I wouldn’t have the time to add Spanish to the word balloons and I’d be cautious about authorizing scanlations, but I’d be very cool with (and appreciative of) folks coming up with transcripts of the pages in different languages, There is a feature for this webcomic plugin that allows transcripts to be included (although it seems to be broken right now. If it doesn’t get fixed soon, I’ll figure out some other place to add transcripts for the time being.)  But transcripts would definitely be a great thing to have as part of the comic!

      It’s very flattering that you’d even want to take the time to do that and I’m sure there would be lots of readers who would be very thankful too! Thank you very much for the offer! 🙂

      • So, you’re fine with me sending you a .pdf with Spanish translation of every page? Cause that would be awesome! 😀 Well my translation would be a fan translation, but of course I’ll do it like a pro 8D and try overall to keep the mood you’ve put in your characters.

        • Actually, a “rich text file” (RTF) would be the best for me — a text file that would include italics so that that information gets included. 

          After responding to your last comment, I was actually able to get the Transcripts feature working on here. On this page, click on the word “Transcripts” right above the Donate box above to see what it looks like in English. 

          You’ll see I also gave each line of dialogue a letter so it will be easy for people to know which words correspond to which balloon. If you decide you want to do this, I’ll add an English transcription to every page to make things easier. And if you really like doing them, I’ll create an account for you on this site so you can add them yourself.But maybe we can try just with this page to see if you like it? You can email me the file at alex at

          And thank you again!

          • Right! I’m on it sir 😀

          • Well… I feel stupid but I can’t find your email… >_<

          • Use the Email Alex form in the menu at the top of this page and I’ll email you back directly. 🙂

  • I love that watching the poor guy piss counts as ‘establishing a rapport.’

  • eva

    Hahaha XD

  • Shinashi

    Haha, no, seriously, what is Jeff going to do? He was on the other side of the cafeteria when he first met Deacon and the guy went through walls to catch up with him sooooo… Haha~

  • love deacon litte smirk and his charming humor sense!

  • YenYen

    Haha this can only end well…

  • Already getting a cosplay group together for this.  I adore Jeff.  Those angry bottoms.  <3

    • A cosplay group? For real? If you make it happen, I’d love to see the pictures. 🙂

    • I’d like to SEE Jeff’s bottom… >.>

  • I love the Jeff’s WTF face ^_^

  • Show him who’s boss Jeff! D::D

  • Jeff’s face in panel 3…..PRICELESS!

  • typhonblue

    I don’t know Deacon. I wouldn’t call that rapport.


  • “You want to hold it or something?” That totally made my day xD


  • Any other “Monty Python” fans out there? After growing up on that show, all I can think of when reading panel 4 is Mr. Gumby going “OHHH!” while standing in water…

  • elijah elquest

    i LOVE panels 2-4 hahahahahahahaha makes me laugh every time

  • got to lose the long hair…

  • strangeangel24601

    Looks like Deacon’s had urinalysis observation duty one too many times… (Yes, that really is a thing. The military takes its zero tolerance drug policy VERY seriously.)

    • Ikaru Sentinal-K’Valshar

      Oh boy do they ever. *groans* Like…every month practically.

  • Phyre Storm

    I realize this is really old and irrelevant because of the direction the story takes, but personally, I’d try and find out if Deacon’s eyes were as essential and squishable as a human’s. THAT’s what I’d do when he wasn’t looking.